eyes open and the hazardous reality is not kept in check- i am totally unmanageable, all because a certain routine has taken hold, and that can only mean its back to the wasted fingers and fading keys. God i am reliving 5am shut downs and that incessant inner voice that says it aint over until its over. plod on troopers... i got soul but im not a soldier. i am severely distracted from my other considerations though, which is perhaps a good thing - a somatic reaction which in the big picture might just be what i need right this very moment---a different escape? I never claimed i was going to sit with my feelings 100 percent of the time, and even solitude, no matter how romantic the notion, come on man....really - does 5 hours of digital flirting count??? i own my part, and im not denying ive totally fallen off this pedestool i had created, im having fun but...so atleast in my book, thats a plus. Screw all the examining of motivations and definitely forget whatever grandiose boundaries i thought i had, for now...i am resplendent in my denial.