somewhere north i left all semblance of goodness- i want it back, all the higher feelings of a brutal and sweet honesty rather than the mouse in wheel reluctance of head, to accept the simplest truth. I spin as i run the race of my mindscape and trip more than once, i fall more than once...now i am feeling the nakedness of a babe drawing its first, i thirst for something that is fast becoming the elusive. i lose touch of hope, and suffer implicitly the separation from all that keeps me outside of me. I am too much inside, i feel so keenly the rot of fifteen years of numbness. Clean or not clean? my dirt requires worlds to change, a vacuum of infinite size to suck me dry...