spent the best part of the day in the company of a new found friend, who lives half way across the globe in a sweltering Cailfornian city known as San Diego. in one of my previous incarnations, i had lived in the same region, but my memories of the place is somewhat tainted and distorted - from hormonal adolescent descisions that maybe for the most part forgotten. you never know, it may be an issue i'll never have to deal with, well, conciously anyway.In the back of that brain, surely the imprint still haunts, if only as a thin ghostly trail, who knows? i certainly don't care about it like i used to, but then, do i really care about anything like i used to? care is too ambiguous, too airy fairy...i know a terrible intimacy with obsession, is that the same as care in love?...i doubt that very much, and in hindsight i don't know if care was really ever just care given for the desired higher purpose and ideas, it was probably more a biproduct, a fake mechanism in place to help me believe i was actually in love. Just a funny thought and im rambling i know, but thinking of San Diego and my life there, i wish i had a snap shot of what the hell was going on, some evidence that i've changed and matured somewhat...

but the company kept today, silenced the passing of defeated words within, if only momentarily, i was really outside myself and having a bit of fun, which ofcourse is very nice.