Monday and it is almost 40 degrees out there, i'm getting that head caving in feeling and i hate it. Why does money have to be such an issue in early recovery? I got a place to sleep, i got all the food i can eat and i'm smoking like the gun that i am, but it's never enough is it? I'm like five minutes from the beach, in a relationship with a beautiful woman whom i totally adore, but it's never enough...i am unravelling a little, the cup feels half empty and there's a lot of time to get negative. It's Christmas time again and new years too, i'm not thinking too much of using but this all feels like an ad for poverty, i am without cash and it is like a bad rash on the balls. Sure, i've gone for a part timer, maybe i'll get it, maybe i won't...arrrrghh! fuck it.