ok im back, was wondering what the hell happened and i still am in the dark really, but atleast

now im able to post again...what's been happenin? got that corporate desk job that i never really wanted but needed i guess...so much pressure to get off my arse, and nobody has really understood me lately, except maybe for my brother. Alissa, the rehab relapse bane of my recent existence is back in the real world and is a thing that ive been devoting countless seconds to...jesus the agony, but you and i know we wouldnt have it any other way. shes such an enigmatic little beast and i love her so much for that, not even romantic like but she's one entity that just makes me ga ga like stupid yeah? like hella stupid even. am in contact with some very old friends and will be attending a bucks night of gargantuan proportions very soon...so i don't really know what that spells for recovery, i really dont know and dont even really know if im caring that much. im sad and insane more than usual but my fronts are like staunch watchtower things that won't crack anymore, im hardened by reality and i wish i was the lame fuck who was vulnerable and able to express it...so fuck you world, this attitude may not be transient like everything else and may in the end be the mechanism for the decline of my own little civilisation...so arrogant, i know this. i know this. i fucking know alright?